a bird and her nest
by MuslimBarbie
Summary: He has a tendency of chasing her no matter how much she runs.


**Note**: This story was inspired by jaegermighty's Life With Derek fic, "move in circles around you." It was also inspired by the movie TiMER, but I explain everything in the fic, so you don't have to see the movie to understand TiMERs. Also, I wrote this before any of the SDCC 2014 panels happened, so it is not compliant with anything beyond "Unthinkable."

* * *

The League doesn't release its members. It especially doesn't release them, reinstate them, and then release them again. Which means, to all extents and purposes, Sara is theirs forever. She is Ta-er al-Asfer and will be until the day she dies. Of course, that doesn't mean that there aren't loopholes.

Even before she boarded the Queen's Gambit, Sara was always determined to do what she wanted to do and do it exactly how she saw best. Just because she didn't know a million different ways to kill a person back then doesn't mean she wasn't a fighter at heart. She thinks, despite all the changes she's has to go through, that's something that's always stayed the same. It's something that always will, no matter where she is, no matter what she calls herself.

But that doesn't mean things don't affect her, don't get under her skin or in her head. Because she's a survivor and that means learning to adapt. And adapting means adopting, and adopting means making it your own. So after spending months with Oliver and the team, with Laurel and her father, all of whom believe in alternatives to killing, it becomes a little difficult to go back to all of the killing she was so determined to run away from before. More than a little, actually. Because with every life she takes, she feels like it kills a part of her too.

Nyssa notices the change, of course. She doesn't say anything at first, but Sara knows that she can tell it isn't the same. Not that she ever enjoyed the killing, but it never got to her, at least not after the first six months she spent on Nada Parbat. After that she just became numb to it all. Became used to being surrounded by people who fully practiced killing as a part of their normal lives. Who didn't see an alternative and just accepted this life.

At least until she ran away to Starling, only to realize that she couldn't be numb anymore. She's a fighter at heart, not a killer. But she made a deal and it saved her home, her family, and her friends, so she tells herself there's nothing to regret. Besides, how many lives were saved because of her decision? She hasn't believed in God or any sort of cosmic force keeping score for her in a very long time. But if she did, she likes to think that He or She would tilt the table in her favor this time.

Yet when Nyssa comes to her with an amendment to their agreement, Sara almost starts to believe in God again. Because she proposes an alternative in which Sara is to return to Starling for the majority of her time, only occasionally returning to Nada Parbat when the League assigns her a mission. And she knows that she should either jump at the offer or ask a million questions to make sure that it doesn't require anything else from her (not that she's sure what else she could give them at this point), but she can only think of one thing.

"I thought you wanted me to come home?"

Nyssa gives her a sad smile. "Starling City is as much your home as here. Even I cannot deny this," she explains. "And no one should ever cage a free bird, Ta-er al-Asfer."

.

Except the moment she gets her freedom, she doesn't go home to Starling. She isn't sure she knows how to be there anymore. She told Ollie she promised to return to the League if they would help her save her city. She told her family that for the first time in her life she was making her own decisions. Sara isn't even sure which answer is the right one, or if there even is one. Because she may have promised Nyssa that she would come back, but she was more than happy to run back to a life that was as simple as kill or be killed.

And she has no idea how to go back from that. It was one thing when she was on the run from a League she had joined to ensure her survival. It's something else to return from a life she told her family she chose for herself. Because seeing them means telling them how she's been all this time, which means telling them everything she's done since she's last seen them. Telling them about all of the lives she's taken, all the women she's widowed, all the children she's orphaned. How can she return and meet her father's eyes knowing that she's taken so many human lives he holds precious? How can she stand in front of the sister she's always looked up to and admit that she's a killer because she _wanted_ to be one? How does she tell Oliver that for every dozen lives she saved, she ended a few others without batting an eye?

She has no idea so she does what she's always done: she runs.

She ran from Starling onto the Queen's Gambit. She ran from Nada Parbat to her family and from there to the ends of the Earth. She ran from everyone she's ever loved back to the League. And so now she runs as fast and far from as she can from everything she's ever known to everywhere she's never known before. She climbs the top of Mount Everest, stands on the edge of the Great Wall of China, and dances in Holi festivals. She bargains in the Turkish bazaars, walks through the Louvre twice, and sneaks into the Buckingham Palace. She cruises the Nile, lies on the beaches in Brazil, and travels through the Mayan remains in Tulum.

She runs as far and as fast as she can.

Until a mission from the League sends her running after a man who runs to Starling. Fortunately, she catches him before he can gather enough attention for the local law forces, or the Arrow, to notice him. And she knows that she should run the moment she disposes of him because there's only so long she can stay here before someone she knows catches her. Except it isn't that easy to run away once she's there, and the next thing she knows, she's back in her old clock tower.

It's changed since she was last in Starling – been rebuilt from the pile of ash it had been reduced to once upon a time. But even with the new foundation and the upgrades, it still _feels_ the same. She doesn't know if that's because it's already old enough to be abandoned again or if she's just drawn some sort of connection to it, like a bird to an old nest. Either way, despite her better judgment, she doesn't immediately turn around and run out of the city.

And it's there, sitting on the inside of the clock face, he finds her.

She notices a presence the moment he reaches her level of the tower. She spins around with her bo staff pointed at the shadows and demands that whoever is there step out before she makes them. To his credit, he only hesitates for a moment before he comes forward. And she doesn't know why, but Sara isn't surprised to find Ollie standing there. She thinks a part of her always knew he would find her the moment she stepped back into the city. He has a tendency of chasing her like that, no matter how much she runs.

Still, she doesn't let him know that, at least not yet. Instead she asks him what he's doing here. He doesn't miss a beat and reminds her that he's pretty sure he's supposed to be the one asking that. A smile tugs at her lips and she retracts her bo staff. She doesn't bother answering his question, and instead asks him how he found her. A street camera caught a glimpse of her nearby, he answers.

"I had to see you," he tells her before she can ask why he came. "You haven't been home in–"

"I'm on a mission for the League," she interrupts him. She isn't sure how, but at some point he became the romantic and she became the realist. Which means he likely forgot there was a reason she left in the first place, the reason they can't be together. She can play with the good guys, but that doesn't make her one of them, because she will just as easily play with the bad ones. She isn't like him. She isn't a hero. "I'm here because _he_ ran here. That's all, Ollie."

He studies her and presses his lips together. "Then," he asks slowly, "Why are you here, hiding away in your old clock tower?" If this was just about her mission, he implies, why would she come back to her favorite spot in the city? Why sit here like a bird on a wire, watching over everything?

She doesn't answer him at first. Years ago she would have lied, made up some sort of excuse, but she doesn't do that. Instead she turns her head away and gazes out the glass.

She still belongs to the League, she tells him. Nothing's changed.

But not full time, he clarifies.

It causes her head to snap back and, for the first time since his arrival, she lets him see her surprise.

How did he know?

Oliver's expression softens. "The last time you ran out on me, I told you I wasn't going to lose you again, Sara. Nothing's changed."

She doesn't know how to reply, so he fills the silence for her. He knows that she went back to the League because it was the only solution she saw, but now he also knows that without their help the city would have been destroyed. They were both wrong back then because there was no black or white answer, no simple way to handle Slade; they needed the League _and_ the cure. No one blames her for what she did, especially not him and especially not her family. And she may be paying the price for their help, but that doesn't mean she should suffer alone. She can _come home_.

And Sara supposes this is the part where she's supposed to tell him that she can't do that. That she's different now and she may not be able to take the killing, but that doesn't mean she won't still do it. It isn't an on-off switch for her like it is for him. And it isn't good for him – _she_ isn't good for him. It's safer this way for him.

Instead she does what she does best: she runs. Not literally, but emotionally. She deflects him with her own question. "If you've known that I wasn't with the League then why didn't you say something before? Why wait all of this time?" Why let her run away?

He sighs, but smiles, and in that moment Sara remembers just how well he knows her. "Because you had to want to come back," he tells her." You're a fighter, Sara. You always have been. The moment I forced you back, I would have lost you for good. And I can't _lose you_ again."

Ollie offers his hand out to her and makes her the same promise she told him when he first ran away from her, back when he thought he could protect her by staying away from her. Because he can take care of himself; he doesn't need her to protect him. He just needs _her_.

Sara stares at him for a moment, but eventually closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and nods. She takes his hands and, side-by-side, they walk into the streets of Starling.

_Together_.

**.**

She doesn't immediately move in with Ollie.

Partially because he doesn't actually have a place of his own anymore. Without his position at Queen Consolidated, or his trust fund, he decides it's easiest to save money by staying at their new lair. But partially because she isn't sure she's ready for that quite yet. Her and Ollie aren't exactly the steady-relationship type, she knows, which means this can either end really well or really poorly. Last time it didn't end so great, so she thinks maybe this time they ought to do things differently. A little less jumping in head first, thinking about it later.

Besides, she still gets paid for every one of her missions so maybe it's about time she stops mooching off of everyone she knows and gets a place of her own.

Her father helps her find the place, but Laurel is the one who takes it upon herself to make it feel like Sara's home. _A welcome home _present, she calls it. She recruits Felicity's help in installing the security system, as well as the entertainment system even though Sara insists that she doesn't need one or even a personal decorator at that. They ignore her, of course, and Sara wonders if maybe life was easier before the two were good enough friends to team-up against her.

(Ollie laughs, probably amused that it isn't him on the receiving end of their united forces this time, and tells Sara to just admit defeat.)

"I want to make sure it was perfect," Laurel tells her as they approach her newly decorated apartment. "A nice little nest for you to call your own." She lets the real meaning hang in the air:

_A place for you in Starling._

And Sara thinks she gets it then, because if she has a perfect place here then why would she ever need to go anywhere else? Because if Laurel can make her feel at home here then maybe she doesn't have to watch her little sister fly away again.

It isn't that simple, Sara wants to tell her. It was never about not wanting to be in Starling with her family and friends. It's about leaving because she has to; because there's somewhere else she needs to be more than here. A roof over her head and some furniture, no matter how nice, isn't going to change that when the League calls her – when her life and reality calls her. This isn't a nest Laurel's building for her; it's a cage. One that cannot trap her here, no matter how much Laurel wishes it could.

But, standing there in front of her sister with hopeful eyes and a bright smile, Sara knows she can't tell her that. Because this isn't about Sara and what she needs; it's about what Laurel needs from her. She needs to feel safe and secure in her relationship with her sister, even if it's temporarily.

So Sara grins and thanks her for the wonderful housewarming present.

**.**

Through all of her travels one thing stays constant: Oliver never gets his family's company back. She doesn't know if it's supposed to be some sort of penance, the universe's way of reminding him that he doesn't deserve it after everything he's done, but she's sure that's what he thinks. Which is why he constantly keeps tabs on Queen Consolidated. He says otherwise, because he's Ollie and he refuses to admit these types of things, even to her, but he doesn't need to. She's always been able to read him.

Ever since Isabel's death, the company's been tossed from CEO to CEO, each somehow leading them to some new evil mastermind. Felicity likes to joke that it's at least a good way to keep track of who to keep an eye on at least. Except she's not exactly wrong, because each new CEO always figures out how Ollie spends his nights, and every one of them uses his company against him. It doesn't matter how many buildings they blow up, how many accounts they hack, how much damage they cause – someone always finds a way to use the Queen name to cause destruction and chaos to the city.

To hurt Oliver.

So one day when she walks into the lair, immediately after landing back in Starling, and hears about Queen Consolidated's latest product on one of the monitors Felicity has running, Sara's pretty sure it has to be some sort of joke. Or at the very least, a part of a very clever evil plot to bring Starling to the ground. Because why else would a company so bent on destroying Oliver's happiness use its resources to create a dating product? If anything it seems like something he'd _enjoy_.

(She tells him this, of course, with that mischievous smirk that she knows he can't resist. The one he's been a sucker for ever since they were in high school. He, in his usual overly serious and broody-Oliver way, tries to act like he's less than amused by her comment, but she still catches the corners of his lips tugging upwards.)

Unfortunately, Diggle clarifies, it's a little more complicated than a simple dating product. The product is called a TiMER because it's a device that literally counts down the days until you meet your soul mate.

Felicity then explains as much of the science as she was able to understand. It apparently locates a specific part of your DNA and matches it with another person's based on biological factors that often determine compatibility in life partners. The experiments have apparently been going on for decades, on and off through different companies, until it finally landed in the hands of the latest Queen Consolidated CEO who had the resources to conclude the research and trials.

As she explains all of this, she pulls up a few images of the device embedded into the wrists of several people. The actual TiMER on each varies, some displaying years and some displaying mere hours. But several others have devices without any sort of countdown on them. Those people, according to Felicity, have soul mates who don't have a TiMER. That's the catch with this device, apparently – it can't tell you who your soul mate is unless they have one as well. It's the only way the device can read and match you.

"It could be a cover up for something else," Sara suggests. "I'm not completely sold on the science behind this thing. The countdown is probably just randomized. It could be some sort of a red herring to distract the public from what they're really working on."

She hasn't been back in Starling long enough to see the debates, but she's sure there's already been plenty of them. There are a million problems with it, most of all with the idea of free will. She can't imagine too many people are okay with being told who they should love.

Oliver seems to agree with her, because tells Felicity to get into QC's system and find out what other projects are on the company's to-do list. She nods and spins in her chair once before she begins typing on her computer. Diggle takes the break as an opportunity to grab some dinner for the team. Ollie, on the other hand, turns to her with a slight frown on his lips.

"I would have picked you up from the airport–"

"If you had known I was coming in, I know. But seeing as how that would have required _me_ to know when I was coming in…"

Her last mission had provided more complications than she had originally expected. And Ollie seems to understand that, even without her clarification, because she can see the concern in his eyes. It's the same one she sees every time she returns from one of the missions he doesn't approve of, and every time she leaves for one. But it's not a concern he ever dares to bring to words. She thinks that might partially be because neither of them are really the type to talk about their fears or feelings. But she also thinks it might be because he doesn't want to know what she does when he isn't there. Whose life she's taken this time and how close she came to losing hers.

How close _he_ came to losing her. Again.

"Hey." Sara smiles and reaches out to him, her hand cupping the side of his face. He leans into her touch before he can even think about it. "I'm home now."

_Does it matter how I got here? _she asks him silently.

A small smile tugs at the corner of his lips, and he leans down and kisses her.

_No,_ he answers. _I don't care how you get here, as long as you come home to me. _

**.**

Felicity doesn't find out any new information on the TiMER, at least not anything that would help them determine what Queen Consolidated is up to now. Because as far as she can see, there's nothing else going on beneath the surface; it really is just a way to help consenting adults find their soul mates.

They refuse to believe it until one day Roy shows up with one embedded in his wrist. Apparently it was supposed to be some grand romantic gesture to prove to Thea that he really does love her and she really can trust him. Unfortunately, Thea, still a little too under Meryln's influence for Ollie's liking, refused to get a TiMER, convinced the device was some sort of trick.

Fortunately, as stupid as Roy was for getting one before they could be fully sure that it really isn't some sort of trick, it gives them the opportunity they need to study the devices.

Sara and Felicity tag team the project, breaking it down to studying the biology and the technology behind the TiMER, while Oliver stands around like an impatient child that Diggle's left to look after. It takes them a week to run and re-run all of the tests, but they eventually conclude that there is nothing wrong with the devices. Well, besides the creepy elimination of free-will and invasion of privacy, that is. Which means Roy's blank TiMER really could mean that Thea is his soul mate.

"She'll get one," Sara tells Ollie in the midst of brushing her teeth that night. "Thea. Maybe not immediately, but she'll do it."

As stupid as Roy was for doing it, there's a reason he did it. For the past few years, all Thea's wanted was to be able to stand on her own because she didn't trust anyone to stand with her. She's never had any sense of stability in her life and that's all she really wants – just one person to be a constant in her life. And Roy's proved that he is more than willing to be that constant, that he never wants to lose her again. It'll just take her some time to accept that.

Ollie knows it too, even though he doesn't like it. As much as he's taken to Roy, and as unstable as she's gotten, Thea will always be his baby sister. Sara thinks he still thinks of her as that twelve-year-old girl he left when they climbed on the Queen's Gambit, even after all these years. But he also knows that isn't who she is anymore, and who she is now needs someone like Roy more than her distant, superhero brother.

Sara spits the remains of her toothpaste out and rinses her mouth. She turns off the bathroom light and walks into the bedroom to find Oliver, in only a pair of sweatpants, sitting on the edge of the bed. She knows something isn't right, but she doesn't push it. Instead she takes her time changing into her own pajamas, an old pair of shorts and a mismatched tank top, before she sits down on the edge of her half of the bed. She takes a mental breath and begins to count to ten. But she doesn't even make it to six before he breaks the silence.

"Would you do it?" he asks. "If I had one?"

She shrugs the question off. "You wouldn't be stupid enough to get one of those things."

He snorts and agrees.

Still, even after she turns off the lights and they crawl into bed, they fall asleep with their backs to one another.

**.**

It doesn't take long for the TiMER to become a common factor in everyday life, and suddenly they're everywhere. At first it's just a random person walking down the street. Then it's the cute lawyer at Laurel's office. Then it's someone else. And someone else. And someone else, until it's more common to see someone with the stupid device than without it. It becomes a part of daily life. It's the first thing you notice about a person: do they have a TiMER and when is it set to go off?

Everyone has a different reaction to the TiMERs. Commercials become marketed towards being your best you for your soul mate. Television programs focus their stories on attempts to find "the one." People with long-lasting countdowns smirk and show them off as they flirt with the people with approaching dates. Those with the smaller countdowns refuse to look down at theirs while they go home with random strangers, possibly for the last time.

But no matter how differently people react to their TiMERs, one thing stays the same: everyone reacts to them. TiMERs become a way of life, one no one can escape. It doesn't matter who they are or where they go, because the little devices control their lives.

It isn't even limited to Starling City.

"Seriously, if there's anything you need – anything I can do – just call me. I have my tablet and if that doesn't work, I can borrow one of S.T.A.R. Labs' computers. And if that isn't enough–"

"Barry will carry you over here in a flash?" Sara smirks.

Central City's hero had shown up at their lair the previous night with heavy shoulders and red eyes. He confessed he hadn't meant to run all the way to Starling, but his legs had just sort of carried him and once he was here, he didn't know where else to go. Felicity, being Felicity, had immediately rushed to his side and, without question, held him because he seemed like he needed a hug. The rest of the team left, giving them some time alone, but when Sara returned that night, she'd found them both asleep on a mat, Barry's head buried in Felicity's shoulder as she held him.

He was gone in the morning, but it was immediately clear Felicity was going to be hot on his heels.

_Iris got a TiMER_, she'd told her.

It was a simple enough statement and, for once, Felicity didn't ramble on beyond that. She didn't really need to; the meaning had been clear enough.

_He needs me right now._

So Felicity packed up what she needed, clocked in on her vacation hours, and got on the first train to Central City. And it was a bit hard, watching her friend getting on that train, knowing that it was the first step to her walking away from Starling City altogether. Because Felicity was right: Barry needs her. Maybe more than either of them realize yet.

And everyone else on Team Arrow knows it.

**.**

One evening, when her flight from Nepal lands in Starling, she finds Ollie waiting for her before she can even think to call him. She raises a brow when she sees him standing there, an amused smile one his lips.

He figured he'd surprise her this time, he tells her when she asks what the occasion is. "After all, isn't that what boyfriends do when their girlfriends come home?"

The moment he refers to them as boyfriend and girlfriend, Sara knows something is up. First, because they are both probably too old for the titles, but more importantly, because they never defined their relationship as such before. It may be in essence what they are, but to say it would imply that they actually talked about these things like that. And neither of them are really the talking types; they're the types to just let it go unspoken because they don't really need or want to have that conversation.

To her credit, Sara doesn't blink when he says it. She shakes her head, calls him an idiot, kisses him once, and follows him to his car. She even lets him take her out to dinner, which raises at least a dozen other flags because these aren't the kinds of things they do. Sure they usually eat dinner together, but it's usually a Big Belly burger at the lair or sushi at her apartment. Definitely not a nice dinner at a restaurant she's pretty sure he can't afford.

And even though he's practically oozing tension, he pretends he isn't and it's almost enough to cause her to snap and make him just _tell her what's wrong_ already. But she stops herself just short of saying it every time the urge surfaces because she knows something isn't right. Because this isn't like Oliver and that means something. She isn't exactly sure _what_ that something is, but she knows there's something there and this has to be his way of dealing with it before he tells her. And he'll tell her soon, she knows. That knowledge is the only thing that keeps her from confronting him throughout dinner or on the drive back to her apartment.

But by the time they make it back to her apartment, she still has no idea what is going on and Oliver's gone from looking nervous to like he's near a mental breakdown. So she reaches up and cups his face in her hands, and forces him to look at her. And when his eyes finally meet hers, he cracks and tells her the whole story.

There was a break-out at A.R.G.U.S. and somehow a deranged inmate managed to deactivate the device in her head before she escaped the facility. Waller tracked her down in Starling and in the midst of Oliver trying to detain her, she knocked him unconscious. He woke up in an abandoned prop factory and he was eventually able to take her down and return her back to Waller, but not before, well…

He takes a deep breath and pulls the sleeve of his left arm up.

It's rigged, he tells Sara. At the moment it does nothing, but if he tries to remove it, it will release a poison directly into his heart. Felicity triple checked it; so did with everyone at A.R.G.U.S. (where the inmate is – locked up where no one can break out, or _in_ – he emphasizes, probably sensing that Sara's first instinct is to pay the inmate a visit). There's no way around it. He's stuck with it. Forever.

Sara hears everything he says, but her eyes remain locked on the TiMER embedded in his wrist. Her hands finally release his face, but they don't dare to go anywhere near his arms. She isn't sure how long she stands there, in shock, before the image before her finally clicks.

"It's blank," she murmurs. "There's no countdown."

"Of course there isn't," he immediately answers.

Her head snaps up and her wits seem to return to her. She raises a brow at him. "You don't sound surprised."

"A TiMER only has a countdown if the person's soul mate has one as well," he reminds her. _There's no reason he should have a countdown_, he implies.

She frowns. "And what makes you so sure that your soul mate wouldn't have one?"

For a split second Oliver looks surprised. It disappears before she can blink, but she sees it before he replaces it with a sad smile.

_You know why_, he tells her silently.

Sara stares at him for a full minute, not sure what to make of what he's just told her. Of what he's implied. So she doesn't make sense of it, and instead chooses to shake the thoughts off.

It's late, she tells him. They should get some sleep.

She turns and grabs her bags, and takes them into her bedroom. Oliver stands behind her waiting for a silent answer she never gives him.

**.**

Diggle and Lyla never get TiMERs – they never even get married. Everyone knows that they don't need them. They have each other and their child. They don't need a piece of paper (one they've already had before) or a stupid little clock to tell them what their little family already proves: they belong together.

But, between Team Arrow and A.R.G.U.S., their time is too divided for their little family and their happiness. Lyla eventually leaves Waller's team, but a life of solace, just raising her child, is hardly enough for her. She tries working with Team Arrow, but (to no one's surprise) she and Oliver hardly see eye-to-eye on how to handle criminals. It doesn't take her long to realize that her place is not with them.

Even if it was, she and Diggle are hardly the people they were when the Arrow first came to Starling. They may be older, wiser, and mentally stronger, but they are still the oldest members. They may have the training, and are in ideal physical condition for their age grades, but they don't have the bodies they once did. Besides, they can't just think of themselves anymore. Not when they have a child who risks becoming an orphan, or worse, every time they walk into the lair.

The answer is obvious, but it takes everyone longer to accept than they care to admit. But when they finally do, it doesn't explode the way everyone fears it might. It's a calm fizzle – just enough to give them the emotional impact without the fear of it actually happening. After all, it's not like they're leaving the city or anything. Just because they're opening their own bodyguard company doesn't mean Diggle can't occasionally help out.

_It's just safer this way, ya know? For the kid_.

Oliver puts on a fake smile, hugs his (now former) partner, and thanks him.

Still, Sara knows it hits him harder than he cares to admit, especially now that Felicity's all but moved to Central City. Ollie's never been good at letting go of people. Most people assume it's because he was spoiled child and has always been used to getting what he wants. That's true, but only to an extent. It's hard, because he's already lost so many other people in his life – his father, his mother, Thea, Tommy, Shado, Slade, even Sara a few times. He's always losing people he cares about and, contrary to what anyone thinks, it never gets easier.

Especially when you've come to think of that person as family.

"Hey," she says, her fingers brushing against his right bicep. "Let's go home."

The city will be fine for one night. Even heroes deserve a night off.

He stares at her for a moment and it occurs to Sara that it's the first time she's ever referred to her apartment and _their_ home. No matter how many nights Oliver's spent there, it's always been clear that it was Sara's place. After all, the reason she got it was so that she could have somewhere away from him, if necessary. But, somehow, at that moment, when he's losing everything else, it seems appropriate to give him this.

A small smile tugs at his lips and he nods.

.

It doesn't all erupt at once the way it would with most people. For two people who are so actively aggressive, they can be incredibly passive-aggressive to one another. She supposes it comes with the whole _tragic-past-they-don't-talk-about_ thing. Because talking about it means exposing themselves and that means they have a weakness. And weakness isn't exactly something you can afford in their line of work.

It plays out a bit like a ticking bomb – a slow and tense build with a big explosion at the end. And is there an explosion. She supposes, on some level, she always knew it was going to be this way. They aren't exactly the types of people to do things half way. It's all or nothing with them, and their relationship is hardly the exception, no matter how much they convince themselves otherwise.

Oliver wants her to get a TiMER. He's so determined to see her with a matching device on her arm. It doesn't matter that he still hates them because the bottom line is that they work. And he wants to see the countdown go off – needs to hear it beep when their eyes meet.

But if he's so sure that it's her – that she's his soul mate – then what's the point? Is he that insecure that needs a clock to tell them that? Needs to take away her free will, stick her in some sort of locked cage, to prove it? Why does she need a TiMER if he's so sure that she's "the one" for him?

"So everyone else can see it!"

He wants it so they can prove to everyone that ever wrong thing they ever did – going behind Laurel's back, letting Shado die, breaking Nyssa's heart, putting Felicity's life in danger – was worth _something_. So then at least there is some way to soften the blow for all the hurt their relationship has caused over the years. He wants to show the world that it was always going to be them. That they were destined to find each other. Because then no one can ever question their relationship again. The world can see that they really _belong_ together.

Except there's one gigantic hole in Oliver's plan.

"And what if it's not me?"

He's so sure that it's her, but maybe she's not convinced that she is "the one" for him. How can she ever be sure that, out of the billions of people on the planet, she is the one meant to be with him? Even after spending a year on the island with them, Slade still believed that the woman Oliver loved the most would be her sister or Felicity. Who's to say that he wasn't wrong? Neither of them have a TiMER. And neither does Helena or McKenna or god knows how many other girls.

But Oliver doesn't budge.

"It _is _you."

It's the closest he's ever come to telling her that he loves her.

She once told him that it's always been him and Laurel. They were the picture perfect couple: the smart, beautiful good girl who always brought out the best in the rich, handsome boy. People dream about having a love story like theirs. The gorgeous high school sweethearts who found their way to each other no matter what life threw at them.

Except for Sara.

Because Oliver and Laurel may have been the fairytale everyone was waiting to see unfold, but there's always been something drawing Oliver and Sara together. She doesn't think they ever "found" each other – they've always been drawn to one another, like magnets determined to click. It doesn't matter how many other girls he meets or how many times she runs away, because they always tumble and crash into one another. It's something they've long since stopped fighting and finally accepted.

So, no, they've never felt the need to say those famous three little words that every love story needs. But when Oliver says his own version of those three words, it renders her speechless.

"There's not going to be anyone else," he promises. "There's only _you_."

It's sort of ironic how as he says it, the meaning behind her words finally clicks for him. Maybe it's because they're so similar or maybe it's because he knows her as well as she knows herself. Either way, it doesn't matter because he's always been able to see through her façade, even when she refuses to. And right now he knows she believes him when he promises her that she will be his one, because they've been through too much for her to ever really doubt their relationship. To believe that someone as far gone as Slade would understand their relationship better than them.

But that's not the really issue here. It's just another façade she's hiding behind.

"Are you afraid that you won't be mine? Or because you _know_ that I _will_ be yours?"

She doesn't answer.

.

The moment Sara shows up at Laurel's door with a pizza and stack of DVDs, she knows her sister can see there's something wrong. She's a lawyer after all – seeing the truth is kind of her job. But because she's her sister, Laurel doesn't say anything at first. She's a lawyer, which means she knows the best way to get the truth isn't always the fastest way.

So she shakes her head, laughs, and reminds Sara that no one actually _rents_ DVDs anymore.

They spend the next few hours eating pizza and watching the dumb horror movies Sara picked out. At some point, she raids Laurel's freezer and complains when she only finds mint-chocolate-chip ice cream. Laurel yells at her to keep her paws off her dessert, so Sara eats the entire pint out of revenge. They laugh and, for a few hours, it's like they're kids again with no problems in the world.

Except she isn't really a kid anymore and the world can never let her escape her problems for long.

It takes Laurel about three and a half hours before she asks if Sara wants to talk about whatever it is Oliver did to piss her off. She also asks as she's in the middle of braiding Sara's hair, which means she can't see Sara's eyes widen.

But Sara brushes it off and asks Laurel if what makes her think he did anything.

Much to Sara's surprise, Laurel snorts and tells her that for someone with a super-secret-hero identity she is an _awful_ liar.

Sara pretends to be offended and turns around and smacks Laurel with a throw pillow. Her braid tumbles out in a blonde mess and Laurel, now equally pretend-offended, hits her back with her own pillow. And even though Sara knows she can take this moment as an excuse to avoid the question, she knows Laurel will eventually get the answer out of her. She knows because that's the reason she came here. If she really wanted to avoid talking about it, she would have run off somewhere on her own.

"Why didn't you get a TiMER?" Sara asks.

She half expects Laurel to probe her a bit more before answering – to ask if that's why she's here, if that's what her fight with Ollie was over. It's something her sister would have done once upon a time, back when Sara and Oliver being alive and together was still a new concept for her. But those years are gone. And Laurel gives her the most direct, simple answer:

"I don't need one."

For her, Laurel explains, there isn't a point because she knows the one for her was Tommy. Or, at the very least, he's the only one Laurel will ever want to consider her soul mate. Yes, she still dates and yes, knows she can fall in love again, but that isn't the point. The point is that she knows Tommy was _it_ for her. He brought out the best in her and he saved her from self-destruction when the Queen's Gambit sank. And then he died.

So no, she doesn't need a TiMER.

And Sara understands. Which is the problem, she confesses to her big sister, because Oliver _doesn't_ understand. He says he knows it's her but he's so determined to have the proof. Why does he need proof if he's so sure?

To her surprise, Laurel doesn't tell her to wait it out or even that they need to talk their feelings out or anything Laurel usually tells her when Sara and Ollie have a fight. Instead she gives Sara a small, sad smile and tells her that he's scared.

"Loving you isn't easy, Sara."

Every time she walks into their lives, it's always a fear of how long she will stay this time. Will it be a few weeks or months? Either way, it always comes with the definite knowledge that she will leave. And when she does, will she come back? Will something happen to her while she's gone? Will she even decide to come home? Or will she fly off somewhere else without a word? Loving someone is already the scariest thing in the world, but with Sara it's something else entirely: it's dangerous.

Laurel doesn't have to continue for her to understand. Because Oliver doesn't want proof that Sara has his heart.

He wants proof that she won't break it.

**.**

She checks both their apartment and their lair before she finds him tucked away in her old clock tower, practicing a complicated flow drill. Felicity once told her, in confidence, that he goes there sometimes when he misses her, when she's on Nada Parbat or who knows where, too far away for him to chase after her to, off doing things he'll never know about. Sara imagines it must be easier there, because that was where he convinced her to come back home. It's probably gives him hope that she will find her way back to him, even when he fears otherwise.

He never tells Sara this, but it makes sense, and it's almost sweet in their weird twisted way.

She can tell he knows she's there from the way he tenses up when she walks in, but he doesn't break his flow, doesn't turn around and look at her until he's finished. She stands there for nearly ten minutes, just watching him go through the motions, before he finally faces her. He gives her a forced smile, but doesn't even attempt any stupid small-talk. That's fine by her, because, despite seeking him out, she's not sure she's quite ready to talk just yet.

So instead, she shrugs off her jacket and kicks off her shoes, silently asking him for a spar.

As much as they and the rest of the team may joke about it, sparring isn't about winning or being the best. Oliver's bigger and stronger, but she's faster and sneakier. He can toss her half way across the room, but he has to get his hands on her first. She can land three punches to his one, but his hit harder. His weaknesses are her strengths and vice versa, they know this. They depend on this. They are the ying to each other's yang.

They don't spar for the practice or to stay in shape, although those are some great benefits. They do it to find the right balance between them, to learn the other's movements inside and out, backwards and forwards. They can't pull punches or soften their kicks, because they have no know how the other fights so they can know what they're relying on. They need to know what the other one is capable of and they need to be able to predict their moves. They have to be able to trust one another, completely and fully, to do that.

In some ways, it's the most intimate thing they do.

Afterwards, they lie on the floor side-to-side. They've both long since abandoned their shirts, unable to take the extra weight or heat that comes from even the thinnest layer. In the distance she can vaguely hear busy cars driving by despite the late hour. And somehow, the sound mixed with their heavy breaths soothes her, almost like some sort of deranged lullaby. She thinks Oliver must agree because she can feel his breath evening out, and she knows it won't be long until he falls asleep. It may not be the most luxurious or comfortable place, but they've both seen and slept on worse.

It probably isn't the right time to talk. It's late and they're exhausted not only from the spar but from the million emotions they've each had to deal with today. She thinks the sun will rise in a few hours when they'll wake up starving and grab some breakfast at the first diner they find. They'll go back to their apartment and sleep for a few more hours, eat some more, and then try to approach the subject again.

That would be the best time, after they've rested and have their strengths back. After they've had enough time to think with a level head.

**.**

Except Sara's never been one to do things the way they're supposed to be done. So she tells him everything she may be too afraid to admit with a level head.

"A member of the League once told me the safest way to live is to avoid attachments to other people," she explains. She doesn't turn her head and look to see if Oliver's awake, because she can tell by the rhythm of his breath that he is. She can tell he's tilted his head to look at her as she speaks because she can feels his eyes on her, but she knows he won't dare mutter a word until she's finished.

There are obvious exceptions, she continues, and it is more of guideline than an actual rule but an important one nonetheless. They took her in and remade her into someone else, someone stronger, and it saved her life, but it also put her in constant danger. Every mission, no matter how easy, is always a risk because, no matter how prepared you are, you can never predict what will happen. And despite dealing with death all the time, with taking lives away, dealing with the loss of someone you care about is never easy. It can kill you.

What they do here in Starling may not be exactly the same as the missions she's given from Nada Parbat, but that doesn't mean there isn't still a risk. Because every time they put that mask on, every time they patrol at night, there's a chance one of them may not come back. And it's a risk they both know and will always take, and that will never change, but that doesn't make the danger any easier or the risks any safer.

Because one day one of them will go out there and not come back. She can guarantee him that.

And when that does happen, the other one has to live on. There's no question about that. Because they have done so much to save this city and it is so much better than the Starling City Oliver came back to all those years ago, but the moment they stop doing this, the city will fall and they can't let that happen. So the other has to continue to live their life as if nothing has changed, because nothing _can_ change. And it's going to be so unbelievably hard, but they'll do it.

Now imagine that, but with a stupid little clock that promises them that they will never be whole again. That they will have not only lost their partner but their soul mate. That the only possible way for to ever potentially stop the hurt would be to just give up and let it all fall apart. Imagine that hanging over their heads every time they meet an opponent who might be just a little too stronger or a little too fast.

Oliver and her, they're strong and they're survivors, but even she's not sure if they can survive that.

At least this way, when something happens, they can pretend things can get better. They can lie to themselves as well as the rest of the world. There will be no proof otherwise.

"I don't want the TiMER because… because I can't have it tell us what we already know. I won't do that to myself. Or to you." She takes a deep breath. "We don't always deserve a whole lot, especially me, but don't you think we at least deserve that?"

He doesn't answer her, but she doesn't expect him to.

There's nothing to answer, because it isn't even a question; it's the truth.

A younger Oliver might have fought with her, tried to convince her that they couldn't be sure about this, but he can't do that now. They've been through too much and he's had to watch her walk out of his life too many times, always unsure of whether or not he'll lose her again. Because the danger isn't just in her not wanting to return to him; it's also that she won't be able to.

They may be fighters, but fighting means surviving and surviving means adapting. So he has to do everything he can to adapt to life without her, even if that means lying to himself.

So he stays quiet, but he takes his hand in hers, and when she turns her head to look at him, she also pulls him to her. His head rests in the crevice of her neck and his arms wrap around her waist. They stay there, like magnets determined to click until the next time someone pulls them apart. And despite it all, she's happy that way because she knows that this is how it should be with them.

They won't always be together and it won't be forever, but right now they are and she plans to hold onto that for as long as she actually can.

"Hey," Sara whispers, her fingers tracing circles on his back. He replies with an incoherent mumble to let her know he's listening, but doesn't raise his head. "If proving it to the world still means that much to you, I think I might have an idea."

"Yeah?" he asks, and she can _feel_ him smile into her neck.

She knows it doesn't matter what she says because she doesn't think Oliver needs the proof anymore. He has her, he knows. It may not be as often as he would like, and it may take her a while to find her way back to him but she will always try. He knows that now, she knows, and he doesn't need a stupid little clock to tell him that.

Loving her isn't easy, but now she thinks he understands that loving him is just as terrifying.

Nyssa told her that no one should cage a free bird, and Sara believed her. She feared that getting too attached would be like surrounding herself with steel bars that she would never be able to escape. But it isn't like that, she realizes. Because even a free bird needs a nest, and she knows that's what she has here. That's what she has chosen to have here with Team Arrow, with her family, with him.

She lifts his head up, and her fingers trace his jawline and she cups his cheek. As she does, her hair tumbles onto her face, tickling her face. His smile doesn't fade once as he brushes her hair behind her ear. She doesn't blink when the cool metal from his TiMER graces her neck, and she thinks she might have finally adapted to it.

Instead, Sara leans down and kisses him once, softly, gently. It's not wild or passionate or full of hunger. There's nothing wrong with those kisses – they've done that a million times and she knows they'll do it a million more – but this kiss is something else. It's full of promises, of acceptance. It's _home_.

Because this is the nest she wants and she wants to share it with him.

"Marry me."

* * *

**Note:** This was originally going to have a very different ending, but I decided that Sara and Sara/Oliver has had enough hurt for a lifetime. Any ship as beautiful as this one deserves at least one happy-ending fic.


End file.
